In May 2005 I found myself sobbing in the fetal position on my kitchen floor. I’d just finished my fifth year of university. I’d graduated with a VERY liberal B.A. and completed my first of three years in the B.Ed program. (What else was I going to do with a major in French?) I was realizing beyond any doubt that my five long years of very expensive studies were a complete waste. I could not teach children, I could not teach government curriculum, and I could not work a demanding full-time job. On top of this gruelling disappointment, I was now strapped with tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt, my education didn’t lead to any other career, and I was a single mom with no way to feed my child.
A Voice picked me up off the floor. I heard it literally say (from inside my head): “Get up. Write this down. You are going to teach adults. You are going to teach healing. And you are going to create the curriculum.”
“Who, me?” I thought, incredulously. “I’m just a shy girl that can’t even teach children or make friends. But I have been passionately studying healing my whole life, I do live to make the world a better place, and that Voice is VERY clear and feels entirely trustworthy.”
My life instantly transformed into a miraculous dream. Within one week I was enrolled in the C.A.C.E. program (Certificate in Continuing and Adult Education) at the University of Manitoba. A self-employment program, Hypnotherapy, NLP, Timeline and Past Life Regression therapy with Hawaiian Shamanism, and Reiki training also lined up that week. Every course fit into my schedule for the following year like Tetris blocks, including plenty of free time and parenting time. Perhaps the most miraculous part of that week was that student loans agreed to fund me for another year for programs they wouldn’t normally fund!
The following two years blossomed into a variety of healing workshops I created and facilitated, several books and healing tools I developed, a full hypnotherapy practice, and even a business plan for a community healing ranch. Most of those creations were direct downloads from the Voice that spoke in the night, during meditation, or while I was authentically expressing emotion in prayer.
On November 27th, 2007, I was stopped at a red light. A speeding car smashed into the left rear of mine, writing off my car and ending my career. I struggled to keep teaching, healing, creating and loving, but the ensuing pain, anxiety, insomnia and instability overwhelmed my ability to hear the Voice. My life became a wreckage of struggle, suffering, disconnection, poor health, poverty and hopelessness.
Although my life became increasingly more difficult and painful, I never gave up. I continued to learn and try to create my way to better circumstances.
As helpful and necessary as that was, it turned out to be the problem. My efforts were based on my belief in separation, my attempts to fight against Life and win. My own trying to be and do good was the energetic barrier I was using to prevent the Voice from being heard. I was afraid of Life instead of trusting and loving It. It was only in those moments of complete helplessness – when I admitted out loud to Source Creator that I could not go on alone – that I became willing to seek beyond my own egoic mind for the Voice again.
Thank Goodness for my suffering, for all the traumatic experiences that brought me to my knees in search of the Truth beyond this world. (May my learning reduce the suffering of others.) And thank Goodness for all the spiritual masters who found their way to the Truth of Source through their own hearts before me. Their generosity and my breakdowns that became my breakthroughs are what maintain my hope for humanity and the world.
May I stay humble enough to unwaveringly live by this Voice, and courageous enough to guide others along the way. This is what all my work is for – helping you find your own Voice, remember Who You Are, and align with your own Source-given Destiny to create goodness in the world.
